I guess I’m just not as strong as I thought I was. I have so much spine, so much resilience in regards to trivial aspects of life like money, security, possessions. But when it comes to affairs of the heart, I freeze, unable to gauge the outcome of my decisions. Unable to simply commit to a decision even. I don’t know what to do. I guess when I was made they left out that little piece of instinctive insides that can make you feel, without a second of doubt that this is exactly what you want, and you’re going to grab it with both hands and never let it go. But I’m more of a timid creature when the aspect of a relationship arises. I’ll choose my footsteps wisely, careful not to tread on uneven ground. I’ll get a little closer and sniff around, aware of the tension in the air. Sometimes I will even take a leap of faith forward before I come to my senses and scurry away confused, disappointed and terrified of how close I had gotten to such a consuming, dependent, reliant side of myself. I cannot give in, I don’t think I was made to share myself with anyone else.